firstly i would like to opologise for my lack of touch its simply because my internet has been fucking up for the best part of three weeks and i have a slight suspicion that its going to do the same thing as soon as i finnish this blog. Anyways....
he has oficially left me for almost four weeks, and im only halfway through the torture 
. There are still 11 days to go of simply losing my sanity which is exactly what has happened to me by the way and i am now deeply worried that it just wont be the same when he does finally get home. Heres the story so far....
We parted on such sad terms, we spent the day hugging kissing laughing and making love. Then as it was time to go he wrote our names in the cheesecake he'd bought me "Rich for Em" that was it i was off on one, like a bloody monsoon. He didnt want to go that much was obvious. To be honest with you as i sat in the van driving home with my dad i had no idea just how attentive he was going to be. How he would spend 20 dollars ringing me for an hour every other day. My dad said the usual "youll survive" and i knew i would, that wasnt the problem i simply knew i was going to survive the most miserable 3 weeks of the year.
I was determined to have fun so for the past two weeks i have been out there going to more parties than i normally do. I cannot deny its been nice spending some quality time with my two bezzies but i just feel permenently empty like no matter how much iv drank, no matter what songs are playing, i can never be totally happy because somethings missing. Besides which it hasn't helped that becca has just started seeing this other lad, hes lovely and there great together but everytime shes with him (which is always) i just miss Richard more. I feel fucking single. The only time im happy is when im at home chatting to him (which is like everyday) i mean how amazing is that, that a guy is so dedicated to me that he spends all his money on ringing me everyday, gosh i dont even know how he manages to actually fit his holiday into it all. Yet im not happy. Because hes so nice and never puts a foot wrong when he actually does im like a paranoid wreck and i have no idea why! Its obvious he cares, so why am i acting like a total twat? take yesterday for instance, i had work in the morning and hed agreed to ring me when i got home. And he didnt, he didnt ring all day.. and he didnt get in touch either not until much later when i was exceptionally merry and drunk and out partying with the lasses. He basically told me that he hadnt been able to get his phone working and i just took it as a bad sign. It wasnt until later after id sent him a loada clingy messages about how hard it is with him away because i simply have to trust that hes feeling the same way as me too, that he told me he hadnt been at his villa all day and thats why he hadnt rang. I feel like a complete pratt and i feel mean and stupud and selfish and like im waaaaay too attatched, but despite all this hes still just as nice as ever. Its probably me being too cynical to believe that he is feeling the exact same crazy bollocks as me. I just feel that by the time another 11 days has passed something will have changed, its bound to go wrong.
Anyways that is why as of now i play it cool. Im not going to get in touch with him he can get in touch with me. This is probably another one of my "great ideas" which is actually pointless and shit. I have a lovely day of work ahead of me.. i feel i will one day collapse in the heat of the grills. Anyhow until next time...
