iv just returned from my mate emmas house for a good old catch up, that and i had nothing to do this evening and she was sleeping at her boyfriends house at like ten and needed something to stop her from falling asleep.

It was nice.

Its rare that me and em get our alone time without becca there (okay this actually never happens really cos becca is everywhere and hates the thought of being left out, yet on this one occasion she was working and so there is nothing she can really do). And so i got a whole new perspective on romance and friendship a slightly less niave one than my beloved beccas. Emma is seeing Gaz. Gaz is the funny boy from school, the one everyones kissed but for some reason you just never imagine yourself with him. Until now that is cos emmas with him, something which she still claims to be slightly out of boredom. Me and Emma are polar opposites, she asked me what she should take in her sleeping bag, and gave me a confused look when i mentioned pjs and a book. I imagine emma figured she wouldnt need pjs from all the sex she would be having, hence she would be sleeping nakid. I had to reasure her that me and richard do still have sex, its just never at night for three very good reasons 1) the bed shakes, 2)everyone else is asleep and the house is silent and 3)were tired. We also both agreed that we were rather shaken by the news that our "innocent" best friend is now doing stuff down ally ways and in the shower and we both agreed we need to up the anty in our sex lifes.

Sleeping over at Gaz's did not go down well with emmas dad or grandma. Her grandma stumbled into the bedroom and groaned "what do his parents think about you coming over at this time of night? its ridiculous!" to which emma made the very well thought out reply of "oh his parents arnt going to be there grandma thats why im staying!" i found this hilarouss. emma always has a way with words.

However ten o'clock arrived and Gaz still hadnt text em to say he'd finnished work. she sent him a message asking how long he was gona be. BY 20 past there was still no reply and the sex and the city menu page was starting to do my head in. Emma was getting frustrated and texted him a nice cheeky text again. No reply. Eventually she rang him. This my friends is called the games people play and it really pisses me off. I am simply one of them people who want to know what is happening all the time, and to keep emma waiting like that to the point where she is made to feel clingy is just plain mean!

Luckily for me i got out of that kind of relationship and walked into another one where games were not needed as both know where the other person stands (absolutely totally in love) and it was in this comfortable state of mind that i have remained for the past few months until he uprooted it to america and suddenly game playing is now finding a way back into my brain!

Yesterday richard told me to text him with times he could ring me, and so earlier today i gave him two rather reasonable opportunities to call before and after my visit to emmas.
He replyed "well iv just got to cocoa beach. I dont know what time ill be back so i dont know if i can call xxxxxxxx" this being a perfectly fine message which i accept. Due to my lack of credit and need to play games i didnt reply. I know i run the risk of him walking around thinking im in a mood with him for not ringing me, cos well since when have i ever not replyed? but im simply desperate to get that ball back in my court. And i am determined not to be the first to text. How on earth i have found myself back in the game playing territory i have no idea, but if it somehow errases all my previous clingyness then so be it.

So for now i say... BRING ON THE GAMES!

okay so im not gona moan and groan about my lack of richard besides which there is now only 7 days to go before we are finally reunited and my god i am so happy! it feels like bloody christmas, except worse! i have all these ideas about what im gona do when i see him and how were gona spend next thursday lying in each others arms...

no instead this blog is actually about how my best friend is officially my best friend and how she darn well earns that title and this is generally me saying thankyou to her and how much i love her.

Despite our ups and downs becca is my little angel. Unlike everyone else in my life, my parents, my workmates and richard who have the ability to tame me when i get to out of hand (ie wingy, angry, paranoid or delirious) becca just accepts me the way i am, has a giggle to herself and lets me run wild and free. Its like no-one else would put up with all the "i miss richard" stuff she's had to put up with over the past few weeks. I cannot even think of all the pointless facts she now knows about him, an example of this would be...
"Becca did you know richard proper likes mushrooms, he says the more the merrier!"
Okay so to myself that piece of knowlege was exceptionally interesting and vital to the mind, yet to others i guess its not exactly that interesting. Yet where others would give me the blankest face they can pull becca simply nods her head with enthusiasm as if im telling her something shes always wondered about.

Its exactly this that i love about her.

Many people have called becca the "simplest" girl they know. And by this they mean always happy, give her a metro newspaper and an orange and shes as happy as larry. But not only does this apply to her life but it does to anyone elses and so me and emma her lucky bezzies have spent the past 7 years feeling like were living extremely important and interesting lifes, when the reality is most probably that all our issues are extremely dull...

I have had a rather grand becca filled day. Despite her being an hour late to mine (typical becca) i thouroughly (i cant spell that) enjoyed my day. We walked into Brighouse (my local town) and went shopping and bought loadsa baking stuff hehe. Then we baked them (no suprise there) well i baked cookies and she baked brownies and when we handed them out to my family nobody knew who'd done what and they all said how crap the brownies were and how great the cookies were lmfao. I hammered the piss outa her cos she wanted to write "JOHNY" in her the brownies. saddo. Baking cakes, its simple but effective. I can honestly say that today i am actually happy and thats all it took.

Richard wont let me bake with him, he says its for girls...

Anyways just after becca left he gave me a call, for once there was no talk of my paranoia which has subsided for at least one day. Instead we discussed whos more under the thumb (okay i know everyone must think its me, but from his point of view hes the one ringing me from america every day. And we discussed my cookies and what were gona do when he gets back and well it was nice, easy and nice.

However that is the last time i will properly spend time with my becca-boo cos unfortunately our shifts are conflicting for the next 3 days and on sunday i am finally going to stay with my grandma and grandad in liverpool untill wednesday night in which i will fall asleep and wake up to my amazing boyfriend. Its all gona be good. Besdies which it fits in rather well with the fact that i have absolutely no money. My grandma has warned me that my causen may well be there when i go and stop with them, they think i hate him lmao. Its only cos when he was younger he never used to like me so i didnt like him back but now hes soundish.. If all else fails ill take my laptop with me and watch sex and the city for hours on end.

Since richard left iv had 3 tasks..
1) to get fit (unfortunatly this has fallen through, notice the brownies and cookies) however i did go on a hour long walk today which i am rather proud of.
2) read all the harry potter books (this wont be happening since iv only read 2 chapters of the first) Have you seen the trailor for the half blood prince? soo gona see that!
3)watch every episode of sex and the city. (I have the entire box-set) although there is only a week left before his return and i am not yet halfway through it, i am ever faithful that i will complete this task. watching girlie box-sets is what i am best at anyhow.

Work for 3 more days :/ then i get a well deserved week off

anyway in apreciation of my bestfriend im just gona spend a bit of time thinking of all the things i can do with her which i cant do with my boyfriend no matter how amazingly good he is..

1)compare masterbation techniques
2)bake cakes
2)go proper shopping (without having to look in sports and games shops)
3)have victorian style picnics in the nearest library (i invited richard but he wasnt interested)
4)talk with enthusiasm about books and magazines weve read
5)show our excitement about going to uni (me em and bex are all off to leeds in sep when i mention it to richard he just moans about me leaving him which he sees as the ultimate comeback for his holiday, i on the otherhand simply cannot compare the two).
6)Dance shamelessly and sing for each other with a bodyspray as a microphone.

i think thats about it you know. i mean theres a lota other things that becca is awesome at like erm watching girlie programmes with me and stuff like that but erm tbh richard does that as well soo well.. hehe i guess the good thing is i love them both to bits. And im lucky to have just one of them never mind both (i am in such a good mood today and i have no idea why lol).

Anyways for my one and only becca. Thankyou and i love you. (she need never know that mind, it would only make her ego bigger)

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7 days to go until he comes back to me.
im currently on series 3 episode 6, out of six series's of sex and the city.
feeling fantabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!

which is ironic since my boyfriends on holiday. could it be that iv finally adapted to him having left me? could it be that just as he is due back i am getting used to the boring life without him? naaaa

till next time

firstly i would like to opologise for my lack of touch its simply because my internet has been fucking up for the best part of three weeks and i have a slight suspicion that its going to do the same thing as soon as i finnish this blog. Anyways....

he has oficially left me for almost four weeks, and im only halfway through the torture . There are still 11 days to go of simply losing my sanity which is exactly what has happened to me by the way and i am now deeply worried that it just wont be the same when he does finally get home. Heres the story so far....

We parted on such sad terms, we spent the day hugging kissing laughing and making love. Then as it was time to go he wrote our names in the cheesecake he'd bought me "Rich for Em" that was it i was off on one, like a bloody monsoon. He didnt want to go that much was obvious. To be honest with you as i sat in the van driving home with my dad i had no idea just how attentive he was going to be. How he would spend 20 dollars ringing me for an hour every other day. My dad said the usual "youll survive" and i knew i would, that wasnt the problem i simply knew i was going to survive the most miserable 3 weeks of the year.

I was determined to have fun so for the past two weeks i have been out there going to more parties than i normally do. I cannot deny its been nice spending some quality time with my two bezzies but i just feel permenently empty like no matter how much iv drank, no matter what songs are playing, i can never be totally happy because somethings missing. Besides which it hasn't helped that becca has just started seeing this other lad, hes lovely and there great together but everytime shes with him (which is always) i just miss Richard more. I feel fucking single. The only time im happy is when im at home chatting to him (which is like everyday) i mean how amazing is that, that a guy is so dedicated to me that he spends all his money on ringing me everyday, gosh i dont even know how he manages to actually fit his holiday into it all. Yet im not happy. Because hes so nice and never puts a foot wrong when he actually does im like a paranoid wreck and i have no idea why! Its obvious he cares, so why am i acting like a total twat? take yesterday for instance, i had work in the morning and hed agreed to ring me when i got home. And he didnt, he didnt ring all day.. and he didnt get in touch either not until much later when i was exceptionally merry and drunk and out partying with the lasses. He basically told me that he hadnt been able to get his phone working and i just took it as a bad sign. It wasnt until later after id sent him a loada clingy messages about how hard it is with him away because i simply have to trust that hes feeling the same way as me too, that he told me he hadnt been at his villa all day and thats why he hadnt rang. I feel like a complete pratt and i feel mean and stupud and selfish and like im waaaaay too attatched, but despite all this hes still just as nice as ever. Its probably me being too cynical to believe that he is feeling the exact same crazy bollocks as me. I just feel that by the time another 11 days has passed something will have changed, its bound to go wrong.

Anyways that is why as of now i play it cool. Im not going to get in touch with him he can get in touch with me. This is probably another one of my "great ideas" which is actually pointless and shit. I have a lovely day of work ahead of me.. i feel i will one day collapse in the heat of the grills. Anyhow until next time...

Okay so firstly i'd just like to point out how little my expectations are of this blog, that i generally dont think anyone will read it and ill just be happy if i see one person reads it. But anyhow the whole idea of writing a blog is to keep up with it so that is hopefully what ill do.

The thing about my life is that its up and down. I have amazing moments that i could easily write about in a way which makes it sound so interesting. I have my bad days which i can moan about for England, and then i have my content days: unfortunatley i appear to be going through a rather long content stage at the moment, iv got the guy, iv finnished collage, im simply doing what i please whenever i want. It's not very thrilling and i hope you dont get bored. But all i can do is write my blog the way i see life, and hope thats enough.

So i guess this moment is called the blip, the summer months between collage and university. I cant really explain what im feeling right now, i mean its excitement without a doubt, and god im glad iv finnished at sixth-form (its so strange iv spent 7 years at that place forming my own little family and when the time came to walk out, i simply walked without even looking back, as far as im concerned my real friends will stay with me and anyone else i simply dont give a crap about anymore, i never thought id say that, didnt even cry!) Yet i dont want to go yet, iv just started such an amazing phaze in my life (with Richard the new guy) and everythings so shiny and rosy, and the only thing that can tarnish it is me leaving for uni in september. However i am only going to leeds which is like 45 minutes away its no big deal right?

Richard is like a total bad guy, but a complete good guy in desguise. It's proper wierd cos iv never actually
been out with a bad boy before, its always been posh little poncy guys and iv always wanted a bad guy deep down. Well when i say bad guy what i really mean is he was into drugs (well to name them Es speed and weed no coke, crack or heroin) well he was until i put a stop to it. Hes been done for stealing and he used to smoke (again until i put a stop to it). Now you may think so what thats hardly unusual but its like foreign to me, i only ever date good boys and i wouldnt even contemplate dating a smoker in the past, although Richard doesnt even smoke anymore so its hardly like i do now...

Even the way we got together was bad! Far more badass than any other romance iv ever had before. My ex Daryl was treating me like a nob, i never knew where i stood with him, and it broke my heart on many occasions, but then Richard came along gave me a pat on the back and told me i deserved much much better, i could get any guy i wanted and to give Daryl a kick up the arse from him. This i did literally, as well as teasing him about how "richard would be a much better boyfriend". I wanted Daryl to be jelouse, i didnt actually want Richard, hed of been a rubbish boyfriend, i figured all he was after was a shag and he was a total badass, no not for me. Nevertheless i carried on and teased him, and flirted with Richard infront of him, it was hardly the nicest thing to do, then slowly i actually found the whole experiance rather dangerous and exhilerating. We began flirting when Daryl wasnt even around, swapped numbers and sent seedy text messages. Then one night (my prom night to be exact) it happened we bumped and grinded on the dancefloor and went outside for a chat (i generally wanted to talk to him to tell him that i wasnt gona end something deep for some kinda sexual bollocks) but we ended up kissing and it was amazing. The sadest thing is i didnt feel guilty at all, and i have never even contemplated the idea of cheating in the past. I hate the thought of being thought of as "once a cheater always a cheater". Although i didnt want to end it with Daryl for the sexual thing i had with Richard i guess my concience wouldnt allow it and i ended it two days later. Which was also the same day that Richard told me hed fallen for me. So i guess it all seems to have worked out brilliantly in the end, except from the fact that theres always tension at work whenever theyre both working (just for the bennifit practically everyone in my life works at McDonalds).

Yet appearences can be decieving and it didnt take long for me to realise that Richard's badass thing was hardly his only side. Firstly he gave up the drugs and is still trying his little arse of to stop smoking (which he claims is because he wouldnt ever want to upset me) secondly he showed me his house (which for the record has 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms) 3rd he introduced me to his parents (who are soo welcoming and friendly and just amazing) and 4th his budgie:Pepsi (when youve seen a man with his kissing a budgie any bad boy impressions that may exist instantly vanish, and 5th and finally he became my boyfriend . He is litterally the best boyfriend i have ever had, he treats me like a princess, hes simply effortlessly perfect but whilst still holding on to that cheeky cocky confident side i love so much in lads. What started off as just being a bit of fun over the summer has now become a serious relationship and i dont know how im gona cope when he goes on holiday for 3 weeks next tuesday (3 bloody weeks its just plain greedy) never mind when i go to uni in like 8 .

My life is like split into 4 parts at the moment (i guess uni will become the 5th but until then.. its family, work at McDonalds, the boyfriend and the friends). My family are like totally hilarious when theyre not doing my head in, proper yokshire people you know, and im not ashamed to say that i actually enjoy going for the odd drink with my paps on a sunday night. Work is like soo blergh if im not getting shouted at by chavs im getting burnt on the grill its a win-win situation. However i guess i owe my past year to that place, as iv made so many friends, had so many awesome nights out and erm had 2 boyfriends from the place.. its become my social life which is kinda sad. But i seriously have learnt so much, work is just a mixture of all kinds of people and id never have guessed it but 9 out of 10 of them are awesome. Its tought me not to be judgemental or shallow, which i so was a year ago, and to be honest my work pals are generally so much better than my snooty shallow judgemental collage pals. My bezzies Becca and Emma also work there thats how i got the job, so to be quite Frank work isnt really that bad, not really considering. Becca and Emma are like your typical lasses and the only people who truly know me.

Anyhows theres a little bit of my life, ill write later but i best be off cos Richards coming round soon
toodles
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